Responsibility & Resentment

“Ok. I’ll handle it. I take full responsibility.”

It’s what I said many years back to myself and to those around me.

A few days ago, I read an article by Danielle Laporte on Resentment. Resentment is so ugly. It’s such a horrible thing to feel. It’s like quicksand — you get into it without even realizing it, and before you know it, you’re struggling to keep your head from going under with the rest of your body but it just keeps pulling you in deeper and deeper.

I don’t mind feeling anger or sadness. But resentment? It’s just so damn hard and difficult to let go of because of how deeply it’s rooted in ego. Resentment is the most stubborn of feelings. It’s the little kid who sits with his arms and legs crossed and does not budge until he gets his way. It’s what the great Nelson Mandela said, “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”

Well, I read this beautiful article on resentment and one of Danielle’s pointers as to how to turn resentment around goes as follows:

“Own that you are in charge of what you do. YOU CHOOSE to be there, to give it, to respond, walk away, show up, do it with swagger, with grace, or with vengeance. Your energy, your choice.”

Wow. Stop right in your tracks, Linds. What the f$%k have I been doing all these years? Clearly, if I had genuinely took responsibility as I so proclaimed to the world — there would be no resentment. Because if I had taken responsibility like I said, there wouldn’t have been any room to be angry with anyone else because the responsibility was on ME. I CHOSE that. Nobody forced me into that decision.

So, I realized so clearly for the first time, that I didn’t truly take responsibility. I mean, in some ways I did but energetically — it just wasn’t there. I took the actions to back my responsibility but I did so in a way as if I were forced (which is where the resentment snuck in and choked me).

See how the mind works?

And because I was held to an extreme of accountability from one party, I enslaved myself. I put myself in a jail. And as a result of this? The resentment for the other end grew deeper and deeper.

And because that grew deeper and deeper, I became harder and harder on myself.

It was a vicious cycle.

So what had to take place? And what still takes place today?

Lots of forgiveness, like on a regular basis. I have always been extremely hard on myself, unrealistically hard on myself. So forgiveness is something I must constantly practice. Forgiveness of myself and of others involved. But mostly myself.

And how do human beings get rid of resentment? Well, first and foremost, take full responsibility. Visualize what that looks like. See yourself taking responsibility with pride and love. See yourself in full and unshakeable support of the decision you’ve made. Feel what it feels like to happily and proudly take full responsibility.

Secondly and of equal importance, actually intertwined with the above practice, expression. Lets say for instance you have become resentful towards your partner because he/she doesn’t clean something up after you’ve asked them to do so. Well, you stopped expressing yourself and as a result grew resentful. First and foremost, take responsibility for the fact that you are choosing to allow this to bother you. The other person did not make you feel any certain way. Something they did triggered something within you, but you have the power to change that association. So express it. Write it down, express it to that person, scream it aloud in your car with the music blasting so nobody can hear you, take a kick boxing class  while thinking of it…

Resentment is a result of not expressing something and keeping something in. So find a way to get it out. Detox your beautiful being from the poison.

Thirdly, bring forth gratitude. For the other person. For the blessing of the struggle. For yourself. Resentment is there to tell you that you need to forgive and express yourself. Resentment is just a result of something going on in the inside. Resentment serves its purpose, even though it’s no fun. Bring forth gratitude for the one who has been pissing you off and the one you feel resentment towards. They are a beautiful blessing in your life. This is just an issue that is being brought forth to heal. What a beautiful gift that is.

Forgive. Express. Take Responsibility.  Gratitude.

You got this.

Love,

Lindsey

Dear Lady In The Drive-Through Line At Starbucks…

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Dear Lady In The Drive-Through Line At Starbucks,

You probably couldn’t have guessed by my messy bun and mismatched workout clothes that I’ve been having a rough day. Well, more like a rough couple of weeks. You were in front of me in line so you probably just got a glimpse of my face, if even that.

I was just in my car, living in the future and the past, on my phone, not really paying attention to my surroundings and worrying about everything going on. I was just waiting in line for my coffee.

As human beings, we go through these phases in life where a lot of shit comes up all at the same time. Life truly is a roller coaster. And not that I would trade it for anything, because being in the high parts of life are so worth going through the lows. I truly believe to the extent in which we feel pain, sorrow and all of those uncomfortable feelings is to the extent on the other end of the spectrum in which we are capable of feeling natural ecstasy, joy, peace and all of the desirable feelings we have the capacity and gift of feeling.

So, I’ve been going through some valleys lately. It’s no coincidence that things are coming up from my past that I didn’t even know were there (to heal, that I’ve never dealt with) and bumps are showing up in life synchronistically with the time in my life that I am stepping into my feminine power and potential. It’s okay. I see the beauty in it all. And in order to fulfill my life’s purpose, I must forgive, let go of and release the things that have been holding me back.

However, there’s days where I just feel hopeless. Depressed. Anxiety. Those are things I have worked SO hard to overcome and man, have I done a killer job at overcoming them. That doesn’t mean they don’t show up from time to time.

I’ve forgotten over the past few weeks, and earlier today in particular, the true essence of life and my being:

I am love. I am loved. I am supported. I am divine.

Peace comes from within. And although I have been focusing “within” — it hasn’t come from that peaceful place. It’s been coming from a place of anxiousness and random spurts of depression that have  been the result of thinking of the past and future too much and not living in the only time we have, Now.

So, lady in the drive-through line, you paid for my coffee and had the Starbucks Employee relay a message to me: “Pay it forward”.

Well, when I left the line, I cried. I’ve been holding so much in that I’m usually good at expressing and letting out. So, thank you. Your small act of kindness was my tipping point to peace. You reminded me that life is about giving back to others and serving others; not focusing on “me” and all that’s wrong. In reality, nothing is really wrong at all. Everything is in perfect divine order. I had temporarily forgotten that truth, also.

I was also reminded from your small act of kindness, that actually turned into being a huge act of kindness, that I am fully loved and supported by the Universe, by my Creator, by the people in my life including my husband, my kids, my dear friends & family…

It wasn’t about the $2.24 that you paid it forward with. It was God working through you;  you may not have even been aware of that, but He was surely working through you. Today, I needed a pick-me-up, and sister, you so blessed me with one.

I know you aren’t expecting anything in return, which is truly divine and beautiful, but I wish I had been paying attention and being present in line so that I could’ve remember what car you were driving so that when I pulled out could’ve sent you some energetic love and gratitude.

But it’s okay. You helped bring me back to the presence, and I am still sending you love and gratitude, whomever you are.

With Love,

Lindsey ❤

The Maserati In My Ether & A Lesson From The Universe

I. Love. Maserati’s.

Maserati-Ghibli-2015-ConceptThere’s just something about them that’s held my attention for longer than any other car I’ve ever loved…

I love it so much that I visualize myself driving around in it. Every day. I know that it’ll come, when the time is right. It’ll be mine for enjoying.

The Maserati is in my Ether. I feel and visualize myself already in possession of it.

If you’re a believer in the law of attraction and manifestation then you’ll surely understand what I’m referring to.

I get excited just thinking about it.

So the other day, I literally saw 5 (five) Maserati’s from one side of town leaving Trader Joe’s to my side of town, about 45 minutes away. They were all different, but all either directly in front of me, behind me, or besides me.

And I was even more excited because I knew I was manifesting them into my reality. My two year old asked me in the back seat, “you okay mommy?” because of the happy and excited laugh/dance I was doing while driving…

With that being said,

My manifestation was clearly not strong enough because I don’t own one (yet…)

But here’s the best part: I came home, got dinner ready, fed my kids, bathed them & put them to bed. Then happened to open a book I had just ordered a few days prior that was delivered that day.

It’s called, “A Return To Love” By Marianne Williamson. I had never opened this book before, since I just received it. And so when I opened this book to a completely random page (as I do with all new books I get), I see the word “Money” — “OoOoOoOoOoOo” I thought; money has been a subject I have been studying, especially the spiritual aspect of it. And this is what I read:

“Do what you love. Do what makes your heart sing. And never do it for the money. Don’t go to work to make money; go to work to spread joy. Seek ye first the kingdom of Heaven, and the Maserati will get here when it’s supposed to.”

Bam! Right in my face!

Thank you Universe, for your gentle lesson. Thank you, sincerely. I will take this gentle lesson of wisdom over going through it the hard way any day; I’ve chosen enough of the “hard way” in my life. I am ready for ease and grace in my life.

My Maserati will show up in MY life when it’s supposed to and if it’s supposed to.

I love that I have the power to co-create my reality alongside my Creator. If there’s something I’m not supposed to have, do or be, it won’t show up. And I’m okay with that. And if it’s meant to… it’ll be there, and there’s nothing that can jeopardize that.

With all of that being said, my lesson in all of this was to bring myself back to the purpose of my life. I love beautiful things and at times can get carried away (although it’s just part of who I am and I’m totally accepting of that ;). However, life is surely not about any of those things. It’s about so much more… it’s about servitude, gratitude, helping others, working towards God-consciousness, unconditional love, peace, JOY, connectedness… for me it’s about being brave and beautiful in my message so that I may inspire others to come forth into their very own brave and beautiful truth. 

With Love,

Lindsey

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Divine Rawness & Honoring That Which You Are

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I’ve said it before; I love rawness; divine rawness.

One of the things that gets to me the most are empty conversations that consist of story telling and gossip around what type of teacher my kid has, what SUV I plan to get next, how amazing my husband is, how much I just love my life (everyday, all the time), the 1lb of flab I lost last week, the cheeseburger I didn’t eat at that party, how stuck up that other mom is… There’s no soul-connectedness going on here; only ego-connectedness.

The. List. Goes On. And On. And On.

Such empty subjects.

Don’t get me wrong… I have willingly participated in such topics of conversation & even initiated many of them myself. And when they are done, I am left with a feeling of guilt and emptiness. So I try to tred away from them as often as possible & choose the path that fulfills me and allows me the feeling of lightness. It is one of my goals to always leave the person I am conversing with in a better state than when we started.

So what do I dig, and think a lot of other women dig too (if they only gave themselves the chance)?

Raw, meaningful and real conversations full of heart and integrity, passion and fire.

And sisters, we NEED that. Somewhere along the way we have learned that it’s not safe to express who we truly are. We lose that fire and our own authenticity. We lose our VOICE!

How can we lose who we truly are??? IT’S WHO WE ARE!!! 

It’s what makes our hearts beat, it’s what gives us purpose for living, it’s what makes us feel ALIVE and LIGHT amidst a world of darkness, it’s what builds our faith & keeps us believing, it’s what honors who we are at our core, it’s the breeze that swifts through our hair and dances upon our skin, and what honors our Creator, the one that designed each and every one of our souls and spirits so intricately and perfectly that there’s not even the slightest .0000000000000000000000001% chance of a mistake.

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These are two of my soul sisters. I am eternally grateful for them and love them unconditionally for who they are at their core and am honored for their trust and confidence in me. 

We are all so alike because we all crave that connectedness, we all crave to be loved deep down within, we all want to be heard and to feel significant and important! (Which by the way, you very much are significant and important by default, just for being Y-O-U) And if you don’t crave those things and don’t have them in your life, it’s only because of the walls you have built around your heart because you started to believe that being connected isn’t safe from the experiences you have encountered.

It’s truly a tragedy to believe such a lie. But there’s such beauty in that lie, you know… Because our sisters can be the ones who help us recognize the real truth of who we are… divine, intricate, beautiful, feminine, infinite, radiant, brave…

We have SO much to offer each other, and the world and ourselves…

Can you do this for yourselves? Find another woman to connect with. Allow your soft and nurturing side to come through. Support her. Love her. Let her be raw with you, and that rawness includes every square inch of her soul no matter how dark or dirty it is.

Create a safe, supportive & loving space for each other where each woman is free to be herself… fully supported with no conditions whatsoever. Provide for her what you want for yourself. Allow yourself to embrace your own demons, darkness, blessings & lightness and embrace hers too, just the same.

And most importantly, honor that which you are.

You deserve it. You owe it to yourself!

Let your soul shine… speak your brave & beautiful truth…

With Love,

Lindsey

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5 Things You Can Do To Feel GREAT, NOW!

It’s 7am. You roll out of bed. Put on some yoga pants, a loose-fitting shirt & a jacket. You throw on the first pair of shoes you find, brush your teeth, and throw your hair up because you don’t feel like brushing it right now. You might not even look in the mirror…

You tell yourself, I’ll get ready later…

Later rolls around, and nothing happens.

Now it’s 7pm and time to get your kids fed, bathed & put to bed.

Oh shit! I never got ready today!

To you, my beautiful woman, let me remind you of something. And if what I am about to disclose to you brings up feelings of being uncomfortable, that’s a key indicator that you need to act upon what I’m going to share… This is very important… Listen up…

You deserve to feel GREAT. SEXY. WONDERFUL. You deserve to feel confident. Before you were a mother, you were a woman; a divine feminine one (whether you embrace it or not). Then something happens where we as women lose part of (if not all) our identity and start identifying ourselves as just “mothers” and “wives”. Being able to grow another human being, endure horrid labor contractions or surgery, and have a baby depend on us for his very life is absolutely, undoubtedly, the most special and amazing thing in this entire world. However, we let go of that other part of who we are. Being a mother is the most important job in the world. But if you’re not happy with who you are or don’t feel good about yourself, that trails off to your kids and effects the way you parent.

It’s okay to want to feel great and happy and sexy. It’s okay to dress up nice and take some time to put makeup on and straighten your hair. It’s okay to get a manicure and pedicure. It’s okay to want to entice your husband. Men are visual creatures who have this natural instinct to hunt. Give them something sexy to chase.

Disclaimer: when I say “sexy” — screw the worldly definition of the word. It doesn’t matter if you are size 0 or 16. If your breasts are AA or DD. If you feel sexy from the inside out, other people will dig that, in particularly your man. He’ll smell it on you like a dog in heat.

With that, here are 5 easy things you can do to feel GREAT, NOW (or sexy or confident):

1. Get dressed up in your favorite outfit, do your hair and makeup, and throw on some heals. You don’t have to have anywhere to go. There’s been times I dress up just to go to the grocery store. Those days used to be often where I didn’t feel good about myself. When I realized I had the power to change that, my whole life changed. I don’t need a reason to get dressed up, I do it because its fun and I like to look my best.

2. What does great or sexy look and feel like to you? Don’t think about the outside world, think about y-o-u and you only. Does it include a black suit? Curled hair? Red lipstick? Workout outfit? Sexy doesn’t need to mean baring it all for the world to see. In fact, I am quite conservative in my style and actually don’t like bare-it-all clothing. My style is along the lines of classy mixed with sexy (MY definition of sexy). Whatever makes you feel sexy and good and confident, DO THAT, especially when you’re feeling less than adequate.

3. Get rid of the negative self-talk. 1 & 2 will go out the window if you keep putting yourself down. One thing most women do when they look in the mirror is put themselves down. Have you ever been out with girlfriends and you have that one girlfriend who thinks she looks horrible, yet you are in awe at how nicely she cleans up and how beautiful she looks? How do you reassure her? Can you do that for yourself? One habit I have been fervent in changing ever since my daughter came along and after noticing her staring at me as I get ready is to make sure I always look at myself with loving eyes. God gave me my body and specific features for a reason and crafted me intricately and perfectly. So I love and honor my body especially when I am looking at myself in the mirror. That has also turned my world completely around. I can dress comfortable and still feel great about myself. But there are times when that negative talk creeps in and I have to stop it right in its tracks, throw it out and replace it with something empowering and positive. Here are a few affirmations for you:

  • I love and honor my body at all times
  • I am perfect just the way I am
  • I love myself
  • I am beautiful and sexy
  • It’s okay to tap into my divine feminine energy
  • I deserve to look and feel my best
  • I am proud to be a woman
  • I am worthy of the life I desire
  • I am confident in myself

4. Body language is everything. Ladies, this is so big. When you walk with your shoulders down and slouched and your eyes to the ground, you are not showing confidence. But when you walk with swift and direct steps, shoulders back and head looking forward, nothing can get in your way! You are a walking, talking example of confidence and sexy! Confidence is great! Confidence is sexy! Walk with purpose! Even if you’re walking in circles, walk with purpose & you will feel better. “Motion creates emotion.” If you’re feeling down, get to moving!!!

5. Start eating to honor your body and start working out (even if it’s a 10 minute walk or YouTube Yoga video that you do). Just because you are a mother does not give you the excuse to let yourself go. It is very insulting and disrespectful to not only yourself but your family to not take care of yourself. You only have one body. An amazing one. That automatically fights off germs for you. That makes your heart beat. That naturally puts you through cycles to honor different purposes. Eat to feel good! And exercise to feel good! You deserve to feel your very best. You can’t feel your best when you are eating bad because that clouds your body and adds baggage and ultimately hurts your body in the long run. When you eat good and exercise, you will naturally feel good. And when you naturally feel good, you feel more confident in yourself! Which means… you will more easily feel sexy when you desire to feel it!

Cheers to your feeling good and sexy, ladies!

With Love,

Lindsey

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Rediscovering Your Sense of Self & Self-Worth

Self-Worth: The sense of one’s own value or worth as a person; self-esteem; self-respect.

I grew up in a great home. I was reaffirmed positivity on a daily basis. Yet it took ONE relationship. ONE single relationship to come along, at a young and vulnerable age, to knock me off my feet. It was a wrap. How could ONE relationship undo all of the years of love and support?

My self-worth shattered into a million pieces. Before I was even sure of who I was, I unconsciously allowed another human being to storm into my life, rico suave-like & implant feelings of unworthiness. I stopped valuing myself.

Maybe that’s why I’m so passionate about self-worth today. Because I struggled for close to ten years putting myself back together and rediscovering my value and my worth as a human being.

I lost the truth of who I was. I am, just as you are, priceless. I was made in love. I am love. I am worthy. I am deserving. And I don’t need to do or be anything special to feel that way. I just am. And so are you.

I find a lot of women, in my everyday life, walking past me in the mall or distressed in the grocery store checkout line, who have been put down. Put down. And put down. And put down. To the point where that little light that shined within no longer shines. It’s absent. Because it’s hidden beneath scars and bruises, deep down…

It took me close to TEN YEARS… to finally start FEELING that I was worthy of the life I wanted to live. I was WORTHY of a man who treated me well, who respected and honored me. I was WORTHY of being happy and living a life of ease. I always knew and kept the faith that I would overcome those feelings of unworthiness… because I am not my feelings or my emotions. I am so much more than that. I am strong and brave and resilient. And I’m not ashamed of that. Because I know I will use those qualities that are within me (and within you) to inspire others.

So I’m going to tell you, what I’ve been telling myself. Over and over and over again. Because I will no longer, ever again, in the entirety of my life, allow another human being to let me feel like I am less than whole or unworthy.

You ARE whole. You ARE worthy. You ARE powerful. You ARE a powerful force for GOOD. You ARE light. You ARE love. And God is within you. You are amazing and beautiful and sexy. You ARE whatever the hell you please to be, you choose to be, you desire to be… Who the f*%k cares what another person has to say about you? Their opinion of you is their business and a reflection of their inner world, NOT a reflection of your worth or who you are.

You are profound and inspiring and intuitive. You are divinely feminine, divinely made with divine gifts and abilities and your own unique voice that not one single person in this entire world shares with you. It is yours, and yours alone.

So who are you? Beneath the lies, the hurt, the scars? Can you let those go? Or at least start exercising the thought of letting them go? A lot of us hold onto our past as a form of protection from it happening again.

But here’s a secret for you, they don’t protect you one bit. All they do is further damage your sense of self and block LOVE and JOY, the most amazing and greatest gifts in the world from flowing into and through your life. You are always divinely protected. Because God is within you, whether you recognize it or not. You are always safe. And all is well.

Here’s another secret for you, if you reenact your past experiences that have brought upon you so much pain, and take a step back, as if you were watching yourself on stage in an award winning performance, you would naturally being to detach yourself from the emotions and feelings that experience brought about. While you watched yourself up there on stage, you could also try to figure out what the grander purpose of that experience is and what it was trying to teach you. When you figure that out, that stage will begin to diminish. And you will not identify with that experience or those emotions like before. Now, it’ll just be a small film in your mind, filed away, no different from a simple experience you’ve had like eating breakfast or walking your dog. An experience only has as much power as we give it. And when you realize that, you begin to take back your power.

Cheers to your divine feminine power, ladies.

With Love,

Lindsey ❤

Back To Love

Life is beautiful. Awareness is beautiful.

But once upon a time, I didn’t think life was all that beautiful. I wasn’t aware of the life I was creating because I wasn’t aware of my belief system. I wasn’t honoring to myself. I made poor choices. And I victimized myself. I felt sorry for myself because people who I expected to love me the most, it felt like loved me the least. I was dealing with PMS (Poor Me Syndrome).

But here’s the beauty of it all… I am here today, still alive. I have survived. I have survived through the love that I perceived (<– key word) I didn’t receive. I have survived and the even better part — I have come out as a warrior! I finally came back to the truth of realizing on a spiritual level that I am love. I am loved. I am lovable. And just because one or two or three people that I have crossed paths with that I expected to love me, didn’t, doesn’t mean I am any less of those things. I am still love. I am still loved. And I am still lovable. Nothing or no one can ever change that or take it away. It is the divinity and lightness that is within me and that will never leave.

I also learned that another persons capacity to love you really has absolutely nothing to do with you, and has everything to do with them. It is in direct proportion to the barriers they have consciously or unconsciously put up over the duration of their life time around their own hearts because of what they have experienced that prevents them or limits them from loving others. What they fail to realize also, is that they too, are love. They too, are loved. And they too, are lovable. More than they could ever imagine.

But sometimes it takes us a great deal of pain to bring us back to the truth. And if I am able to go through life truly knowing what I am, on the deepest and most intimate level, then all of that pain was well worth it. No one can ever take that knowing away from me of what I am. The world around me may crumble and fall; those are just worldly things I cannot control… but my spirit is unshakeable.

Everyone who is in your life or not in your life is exactly where they are meant to be. Maybe you had a missing parent and as a result grew up feeling abandoned. But maybe if they were around, their behavior towards you would’ve done more damage than their absence ever could have. And the people who are in your life, love you the very best they know how, at the given moment, knowing what they know.

If you are reading this, then you too, are alive. You are alive and well. And most importantly, you are loved. You have always been taken care of even if in the moment it seemed like that wasn’t the case. But in each and every moment, you have exactly and precisely what you need. God works through people everyday, and you have probably received love from someone you never expected it from; a friend or teacher or inherited family member.

Open your eyes to the subtle and mysterious blessings that wash over you each and every day. They may not come in the shapes and sizes you would like them to but they are most certainly there, no matter what walk of life you came from or are traveling upon.