I’m not one of those people who pretend to be happy all the time. I wear my heart on my sleeve & if something is bothering me — you will know the second you talk to me. Not because I am playing victim or because I am pouting around and making everyone else’s life miserable because I’m not in the best mood — but because I allow myself to be in my feelings so that they may pass.
I don’t push shit under the doormat. I let my feelings come forth. So that they may be felt, respected and so that I may move forward from them.
To be honest with you, I don’t think it’s healthy to be happy 100% of the time. Anger and sadness and pain serve major purposes; they are clues and hints gifted from your soul — letting you know that something is not right. They help you decipher what you like and don’t like. They help you discover what you will and will not stand for. And I think that is extremely important in life.
With that being said, I don’t act like a wild out-of-control maniac when I am feeling angry. As a teenager, my anger led to destruction. But as I got older and gained emotional maturity, I learned how to effectively deal with my anger so that I was able to honor my feelings and emotions while not hurting myself or anyone else. You may read that last sentence and find it silly that I say that but if you look around you, reality TV for example, you’ll see very “classy” and well put-together women acting like children who cannot control their anger. They end up throwing drinks on each other and pushing each other and pulling each others hair and going to extreme lengths in order to hurt another. That is not okay.
This is where, SELF – CONTROL comes in.
If you are familiar with Napoleon Hill, he has a book called “The Law of Success” — one of the most powerful books I have ever read (I’m not all the way through yet) and he has devoted one whole chapter on the subject of self-control.
“I could waste much of my time and energy in striking back at those who would try to destroy me, or I could devote this energy to furthering my life-work and let the result of that work serve as my sole answer to all who would criticize my efforts or question my motives. By their deeds you shall know them! Every person who amounts to anything in this world comes to the point, sooner or later, at which he is forced to settle this question of policy toward his enemies, and if you want proof that it pays to exercise sufficient self-control to refrain from dissipating your vital energies by “sticking back” then study the records of all who have risen to high stations in life and observe how carefully they curbed this destructive habit (lack of self-control).”
I could probably quote the entire chapter because it’s so great but I urge you to buy the book or even listen to the chapter of self-control on YouTube (for free). What Mr. Hill says is that: “self-control is solely a matter of THOUGHT-CONTROL.” So here are some examples:
— On Thanksgiving or Christmas, you give yourself permission to eat almost uncontrollably because it’s a holiday. You give yourself permission because you may not know how to say “no” when the food is right in front of you.
— What’s going on in Ferguson: I have ALWAYS been passionate about JUSTICE and FAIRNESS and do NOT stand for one race over another. I am ashamed and broken-hearted with people of my own race lacking SELF-CONTROL through actions and especially on social media by literally infection Facebook through very hurtful words. They are taking advantage of a situation that is in dire need of LOVE and COMPASSION. On the flip-side, I am also broken-hearted and ashamed of those engaging in looting and destructive behavior. The ones choosing to loot are also lacking self-control and taking advantage of a situation that again, is desperately needing LOVE and COMPASSION.
— Going shopping & telling yourself you will ONLY spend $100 and you end up spending $250. You negotiate with yourself and end up convincing yourself that it’s okay to spend over 100% MORE than what you had planned. You’ll make that money back anyway.
— When you are working and a customer is clearly having a bad day. They take it out on you with their bad attitude and you end up taking it personal. You lash out back towards them and get written up over it instead of trying to have compassion for what they may be going through.
“When an angry person starts to vilify and abuse you, justly or unjustly, just remember that if you retaliate in a like manner you are being drawn down to that person’s mental level, therefore that person is dominating you!” — Napoleon Hill
“Thought is the only thing over which you have absolute control, yet, unless you are the proverbial exception, which is about one out of every ten thousand, you permit other people to enter the sacred mansion of your mind and there depose, through suggestion, their troubles and woes, adversities and falsehoods, just as though you did not have the power to close the door and keep them out.”
“When you deliberately choose the thoughts which dominate your mind and firmly refuse admittance to outside suggestion, you are exercising self-control in its highest and most efficient form. Man is the only living animal that can do this.”
With that being said, today was an off day for me. I am still responsible for the energy I bring into the space I am in. I do not dump it onto others. But I also honor it and allow myself to feel what I’m feeling. I will not lash out at another or lose-control. I may journal it out. Even writing this is therapy for me. I’ll play with my kids because their laughter disarms me. I may workout or meditate. I may go in my car, by myself, with the music up super loud and just scream. That’s okay, too.
When you HONOR your feelings and find an effective way to handle them, you allow yourself to practice self-control. And when you have mastered the art of self-control — you have gained an extremely valuable yet priceless lesson in life which will help you achieve all that you wish to achieve.
And I will leave you with this:
“Literally speaking, every person with whom you come in contact is a mental looking-glass in which you may see a perfect reflection of your own mental attitude” — Napoleon Hill
Thank you, Mr. Hill for your undying, ageless wisdom. And thank YOU for reading my thoughts ❤