SELF – CONTROL

I’m not one of those people who pretend to be happy all the time. I wear my heart on my sleeve & if something is bothering me — you will know the second you talk to me. Not because I am playing victim or because I am pouting around and making everyone else’s life miserable because I’m not in the best mood — but because I allow myself to be in my feelings so that they may pass.

I don’t push shit under the doormat. I let my feelings come forth. So that they may be felt, respected and so that I may move forward from them.

To be honest with you, I don’t think it’s healthy to be happy 100% of the time. Anger and sadness and pain serve major purposes; they are clues and hints gifted from your soul — letting you know that something is not right. They help you decipher what you like and don’t like. They help you discover what you will and will not stand for. And I think that is extremely important in life.

With that being said, I don’t act like a wild out-of-control maniac when I am feeling angry. As a teenager, my anger led to destruction. But as I got older and gained emotional maturity, I learned how to effectively deal with my anger so that I was able to honor my feelings and emotions while not hurting myself or anyone else. You may read that last sentence and find it silly that I say that but if you look around you, reality TV for example, you’ll see very “classy” and well put-together women acting like children who cannot control their anger. They end up throwing drinks on each other and pushing each other and pulling each others hair and going to extreme lengths in order to hurt another. That is not okay.

This is where, SELF – CONTROL comes in.

If you are familiar with Napoleon Hill, he has a book called “The Law of Success” — one of the most powerful books I have ever read (I’m not all the way through yet) and he has devoted one whole chapter on the subject of self-control.

“I could waste much of my time and energy in striking back at those who would try to destroy me, or I could devote this energy to furthering my life-work and let the result of that work serve as my sole answer to all who would criticize my efforts or question my motives. By their deeds you shall know them! Every person who amounts to anything in this world comes to the point, sooner or later, at which he is forced to settle this question of policy toward his enemies, and if you want proof that it pays to exercise sufficient self-control to refrain from dissipating your vital energies by “sticking back” then study the records of all who have risen to high stations in life and observe how carefully they curbed this destructive habit (lack of self-control).”

I could probably quote the entire chapter because it’s so great but I urge you to buy the book or even listen to the chapter of self-control on YouTube (for free). What Mr. Hill says is that: “self-control is solely a matter of THOUGHT-CONTROL.” So here are some examples:

— On Thanksgiving or Christmas, you give yourself permission to eat almost uncontrollably because it’s a holiday. You give yourself permission because you may not know how to say “no” when the food is right in front of you.

— What’s going on in Ferguson: I have ALWAYS been passionate about JUSTICE and FAIRNESS and do NOT stand for one race over another. I am ashamed and broken-hearted with people of my own race lacking SELF-CONTROL through actions and especially on social media by literally infection Facebook through very hurtful words. They are taking advantage of a situation that is in dire need of LOVE and COMPASSION. On the flip-side, I am also broken-hearted and ashamed of those engaging in looting and destructive behavior. The ones choosing to loot are also lacking self-control and taking advantage of a situation that again, is desperately needing LOVE and COMPASSION.

— Going shopping & telling yourself you will ONLY spend $100 and you end up spending $250. You negotiate with yourself and end up convincing yourself that it’s okay to spend over 100%  MORE than what you had planned. You’ll make that money back anyway.

— When you are working and a customer is clearly having a bad day. They take it out on you with their bad attitude and you end up taking it personal. You lash out back towards them and get written up over it instead of trying to have compassion for what they may be going through.

“When an angry person starts to vilify and abuse you, justly or unjustly, just remember that if you retaliate in a like manner you are being drawn down to that person’s mental level, therefore that person is dominating you!” — Napoleon Hill

“Thought is the only thing over which you have absolute control, yet, unless you are the proverbial exception, which is about one out of every ten thousand, you permit other people to enter the sacred mansion of your mind and there depose, through suggestion, their troubles and woes, adversities and falsehoods, just as though you did not have the power to close the door and keep them out.”

“When you deliberately choose the thoughts which dominate your mind and firmly refuse admittance to outside suggestion, you are exercising self-control in its highest and most efficient form. Man is the only living animal that can do this.”

With that being said, today was an off day for me. I am still responsible for the energy I bring into the space I am in. I do not dump it onto others. But I also honor it and allow myself to feel what I’m feeling. I will not lash out at another or lose-control. I may journal it out. Even writing this is therapy for me. I’ll play with my kids because their laughter disarms me. I may workout or meditate. I may go in my car, by myself, with the music up super loud and just scream. That’s okay, too.

When you HONOR your feelings and find an effective way to handle them, you allow yourself to practice self-control. And when you have mastered the art of self-control — you have gained an extremely valuable yet priceless lesson in life which will help you achieve all that you wish to achieve.

And I will leave you with this:

“Literally speaking, every person with whom you come in contact is a mental looking-glass in which you may see a perfect reflection of your own mental attitude” — Napoleon Hill

Thank you, Mr. Hill for your undying, ageless wisdom. And thank YOU for reading my thoughts ❤

With Love,
Lindsey

I’ve been that mom.

I’ve been that mom.

The teenage mom.

The single mom.

The teenage single mom.

The working mom.

The stay at home mom.

The SAHM during the day & work at night mom.

The married mom.

The mom everyone stared at because she didn’t look old enough to birth a child…

And as I was in deep thought (as I usually am) about this and all of the different types of “mom” I have been, I realized… it doesn’t matter.

Names & classifications don’t matter.

What I realized was that no matter what status I held as mom, I always had the same relative feelings… granted some situations sparked more intense feelings than others and were overall harder than others but at the end of the day when it all boiled down, there was just “me” desiring to provide the best upbringing for my kid, to be the best mom I could, to have someone who understood what the f*%# I was going through, to have someone to relate to & just talk to. I just want my kid to grow up as a functioning human being who does what brings him joy & gives back to humanity, who makes great choices & never loses the desire to learn and grow. It didn’t matter if I was the single teenage working mom or the married stay at home mom. Both moms just wanted the best for her baby. And both moms did the best she could, with what she had and what she knew at that given time.

My dream & vision is that instead of the SAHM’s and the working moms being against each other in comparison as to “who has the harder job” — both groups would come together on common ground and realize that, we all just want the best for our babies. Yes, the working single mom more often than not has it tougher than the SAHM because she takes the roll of provider & nurturer. And yes, the SAHM may want to pull her hair out and scream more than the working mom. But if we all just let down our judgments and say: “Wow, I give her a lot of credit for doing what she does! It’s not easy being home with three toddlers all day without a car while her husband is at work before the sun comes up and doesn’t get home until after the sun goes down” or “Wow, that mom has incredible strength… I admire that about her so much, I don’t know how she juggles a full time job & household all by herself.”

I don’t care WHAT type of mom you are (including but not limited to all types of mom from above, adoptive moms, foster moms, a family member that stands in as mom, the hard mom, the easy mom, the fun mom, the strict mom and every possible mom in between) I love you and don’t ever forget how amazing you are! It’s a beautiful and adventurous journey for us all.

So maybe next time before you criticize or judge another mom, find that common ground with her… beneath that strong demeanor is a woman who just wants the best for her kid, just like you…

With love,

Lindsey

Dear Beautifully Distressed Mother…

Dear Beautifully Distressed Mother,

I know what you’re thinking, as you drop your six year old off at school in the morning, in your pajamas, with wild hair & makeup still under your eyes from yesterday. You have your big bug-eyed sunglasses on in hopes that you don’t run into The Joneses next door in the car loop. Who has that time anyway to have such a perfect look at 8 o’clock in the morning? Apparently she does.

You go back home with your younger ones & just want a moment of peace. So you go into your bathroom and shut the door… “I have to hurry because the laundry needs to get done, I need to teach my two year old how to read, the pile of dishes is growing by the minute, that dust absolutely cannot wait…”

And then you hear… “Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! MOMMMMMY!” as her little hands bang on the bathroom door. Then those perfectly God made fingers slip under the door as if she could squeeze herself under there into your presence. She found you! There’s really no escaping her. You can run & hide momentarily, but she WILL find you. Your children can smell you from a mile away (sweet, isn’t it?).

Nap time finally rolls around & you have just a second to catch your breath. “I think I’ll finish the last chapter of my boooo…” before you can even say the word “book” you remember that you never finished the laundry from two days ago that you said you’d finish this morning. Great. Now it’s all wrinkly and you’ll have to iron it all… “Actually, no! I’m just going to rewash it…”

You want to pull your hair out. You just want a short break, is that too much to ask? Maybe you want to scream at the top of your lungs (like I’ve felt before).

“When did my life get to this point?” — There was probably a time where life was all about you. You bought the newest and most stylish clothes every season. You got your nails done regularly and you never saw your natural hair roots or split ends because you always had time to get them taken care of. You ate out at fancy places and drank foofy cocktails with long extravagant names along side coworkers who were also without child. If you wanted to sleep in on Sunday morning, you did it. You worked out more than once every two months and only leading up to special occasions. You did what you wanted to. And you did it when you wanted to. No regards to the outside World at times. Life was good, and life was for living.

But even though you had this great life, you had this deep yearning for more. You pictured yourself becoming a mother and you scoped out potential husbands at church, in class, at the grocery store, through your gay guy friends who were always able to pick the good ones out of a crowd…

And then you got what you asked for. You married a wonderful man, “settled down” as it’s called, and started a family.

You didn’t mean for it to happen, but it did! You lost yourself.

You lost yourself in your child, in being a wife, that pile of laundry & never ending dishes, dinner that won’t make itself. You lost yourself driving to and from baseball and dance lessons. At night when it was the perfect time to get intimate with your husband. You lost yourself the moment you decided, inevitably, unconsciously, in your nurturing, feminine, motherly demeanor that another human’s life was more important than your own.

And that is perfect. It is our job as mothers to put forth our best effort and unconditional love, with what we know and the resources we have, to fill our babies’ every need. But in putting yourself less than first, you lost yourself. And that is not okay. Because before you were a wife and a mother and every other job accompanied with this “fairytale” lifestyle, you were a divine feminine woman. You were sexy. You had desires & dreams. Aspirations. Passions.

Halt! Before you feel like jumping on me for the mere idea of putting yourself before your kids (which by the way, is not what I am getting at nor is it a horrible thing to do for the sake of your sanity) please exercise this idea… You are sitting on an airplane getting ready to take off. The floor belongs to the stewardess who goes over very important safety information. She gets to the part about what to do if there were a loss of oxygen & change of cabin pressure… what does she tell you to do? She says and shows you how to put YOUR oxygen mask on FIRST and then proceed to help others. It is only when you have free flowing oxygen into your body via the mask that you are able to assist others. If you do not have your oxygen mask on, you will begin to lose consciousness. You won’t be able to see straight or think clearly. It would be close to impossible to take care of another human being in the moment that you stop being able to take care of yourself.

So what does this metaphor look like in real life? It means, spending as little as 10-15 minutes out of your 24-hour day on yourself engaging in meditation, quick yoga, deep breathing, hot bubble baths, a glass of wine after the kids are in bed, or hell, even as you’re making dinner, dancing to your favorite music, laying down for a quick power nap, whatever that God-given feeling of joy means for you…

Engaging in activities such as these (and I know every woman has her own woo-sah’ing techniques) chill your mind… they take you out of go-go-go mode, stress mode, never-ending work mode, mom mode, and center you back into functioning human-being mode. I could list benefits for days, but what exactly would this look like for you?

Could you put aside a few minutes a day towards your own well being for the well being of your kids? If you parented from a more relaxed and joyful state, how would that be for you and of course how would that be for your kids?

It’s okay to re-FIND yourself after motherhood. To be quite honest, it’s been one of my favorite parts of my own journey; re-finding myself and to go even deeper, really discovering who I am to begin with. I’m coming into my own; my divine power.

But let’s get back to you. Listen, you are doing a hell of a great job. You love those kids like crazy. You would jump in front of a bullet for them. You would go to the ends of the world to make sure their every heart’s desire has been met. You love them up, cuddle them, kiss their boo-boo’s, laugh and cry at the same time when they reach new milestones all while scrambling for your iPhone (or Android) to get them on video. You look into those big beautiful brown eyes that remind you of yours and tell them how lovable they are, how special they are, how they’ve changed your life forever. And that is the most beautiful thing of all; the transformation into motherhood and having bestowed upon you the blessing of caring for a child.

So here’s my point in all of this… keep being that wonderful mother. But also, keep being that divinely feminine, sexy, fun, light-hearted, WOMAN — whatever that looks like for you. You might want to feel alive, connected, luminous, free, grounded, empowered, joyful, abundant, vibrant, chill, revitalized, sacred, whole, warm or wonderful. Whatever that woman inside wants to feel and desires, let her OUT! She has greatness to share with the World! And most importantly, above all else, you highly deserve to be at your best. That’s something that’s never changed nor will it ever change… You will always be worthy.

In Love,

Lindsey

My Sunday Message! #SelfLoveSundays

As I have gone through my own shit in life, and as I have looked back upon the choices I have made, I realize that one major component was missing:

 

SELF-LOVE

 

I am grateful for every decision I have made that has given me every experience I have had because it has brought me here, today. And I believe self-love is SO damn important. And I want to spread it around the world like a rapid fire that covers the entire earth in LOVE. Because everyone deserves to first love themselves. So I am declaring Sundays #SelfLoveSundays — Once a week, at the very itty-bitty, teeny-weeny, least… I want YOU to do something that honors YOURSELF. That means: a pedicure, reading a book, laying in the grass, taking a lavender epson salt bath, journaling, doing 5 yoga positions in the peace and quiet of your home or outdoors in nature, running around the block as fast as you can, smelling wild-flowers, exploring unknown places, mini-golfing, grabbing lunch by yourself, playing Solitaire, watching funny videos on YouTube, working out one extra day, cooking or baking, driving around listening to loud music… whatever in heavens name makes you happy and allows you the feeling of LOVE — DO IT!

Because, when you love yourself, honor yourself, do things that make YOU happy, you will obviously be happier. And when you are happier, you are a better person to be around. You will be naturally inclined to help others (more than you already do), you will be more patient with your kiddos, you will make great decisions, you will raise your standard of living, you will feel a wholeness that no other thing or person in this world can give you other than God and yourself. Because you are not incomplete, you are not broken. You are lovable and that love starts with YOU.

So watch this short little #SelfLoveSundays (<– click the hashtag) video by me!

If you are here right now, no matter who you are or where you are, I love you!

And more importantly, I hope YOU love YOU, too.

If you got value from this blog/video, please like, comment & share the love!

With love,

Lindsey ❤

Why are you so hard on yourself?

WHY am I so hard on myself at times? WHY are we, as women, so DAMN hard on ourselves? SO critical, SO judgmental, SO un-loving… Where did we learn this?

Why is it so hard at times to love ourselves? Accept ourselves?

(Quick story & then I’ll bring it all together)

If you know anything about a husky, then you know that around the time a husky turns one year old, the dog sheds like mad. Well I just so happen to have a maturing husky who just turned 1 year old. I mean, I have been vacuuming my house sometimes twice a day. Dusting twice a day. Linting my clothes, if not completely changing my clothes twice a day. Because of her damn HAIR! This is a process that on average lasts a few months… well it’s been 3 months already. And I have been so fed-up with being in a house filled with dog hair after continuous cleaning.

And then it dawned on me… my beautiful siberian husky with a playful spirit & bright blue eyes, Hera, is going through a transformation. Why am I being so hard on her? It’s not her fault, or anyone’s fault for that matter. It’s a natural process. It has to happen in order for her to mature into her adult fur coat.

And then I asked myself, do I treat myself the same way? Am I critical of myself as I transform more and more into the woman I am to be? Am I impatient with myself as I go through my tough hours, day, weeks? Why am I not supportive of myself?

Ideally, I should be providing myself, because I love myself, with a safe, sacred, patient and loving space, my cocoon if you will, to transform.

I know where I came from. I know where I’ve been. I know where I’m going (at least I like to think I do ;). I know (in part) what needs to happen, what needs to break down, what needs to diminish, what needs to develop and grow, in order for me to get where I’m going.

And so as I lovingly brush Hera, she kisses my hand, which I like to think is out of gratitude as I assist her in her transformation from a puppy to an adult dog. She looks back at me as she kisses my hand with kind eyes. So this is my oath to myself. And I hope that it can inspire just one person to pledge the same… As I go through life, I know that struggles will come. I know that my emotions will be strong and unbalanced at times. I know that there will be sides of me that come forth that I don’t like and uncomfortable feelings I do not want to feel, but do… I know that wounds from childhood and young adulthood will reopen and be brought to the surface so that I may heal them. I know that life is a process, and life can sometimes be tough. And while “out there” is tough, I pledge to be gentle with myself. Even if no one understands (even though I am continuously blessed with loving people in my life who are 100% supportive), I will provide myself with the understanding that I provide others with. I will continuously love myself, support myself and provide a sacred space to allow myself to transform. No time limit. I will learn what I need to learn in perfect timing.

I know that everyday, every hour, every minute and down to every second I am blessed with is an opportunity for me to evolve as a spirit and human being, grow and awaken to more consciousness within and share my inspiration to inspire others.

With love,

Lindsey ❤

 

PS. If you liked this post, please comment and share ❤ There’s someone out there who could use the encouragement.

Get Pumped Up!

stock-footage-woman-holding-a-globe-in-her-hand

–> Click here: Best Motivational Video I’ve Ever Seen… Literally. I’ve watched it (already) 20+ times. It get’s me in the serious zone to create!

So in listening to it, I’ve transcribed parts of the video that really stood out to me and that I thought were very powerful. I love the feeling I get when listening to this– the music makes it so much better, too 😉

“There’s some of you right now, you wanna be, you know what I’m saying, you want to go to the next level, I want to counsel, I wan to be an engineer, I wan to be a doctor, listen to me, you can’t get to that level, you can’t get to the level economically where you want to be until you start investing in your mind. If you’re not reading books, I’m challenging you to go to conferences, I dare you to invest time, I dare you to be alone, I dare you to spend an hour getting to know yourself, when you become who you are, when you become the person you were created to be, design to be who you were designed to be, when you become an individual, what you do is you take yourself and you start separating yourself from other people. I challenge you to get to a place where people don’t like you and don’t even bother you anymore. Why? Because you’re not concerned with trying to make them happy. Because you’re trying to blow up, you’re trying to get to the next level. I need you to invest in your mind, invest in your mind. If you still talk about your dreams, if you still talk about your goals, but you have not done anything, just take the first step…”

“You spend so much time with other people, you spend so much time trying to get other people to like you. You know other people more than you know yourself.  You study them, you know about them, you want to hang out like them, you want to be just like them. And you know what? You’ve invested so much time in them you don’t know who you are. I challenge you to spend time by yourself.”

If you follow me on Facebook, you may recognize this video and these words. But as much as the video emphasizes certain points– I am emphasizing the video to you (and to myself). Ask any successful person you know who has the results you want. Spend time getting to know yourself and working through issues that arise… We have the world at our finger tips, there are infinite possibilities, infinite opportunities and infinite amounts of money, supplies, whatever it is you need to create the life you want for you and your family– there is enough!

We can do it ladies! 😀

P.S. if you liked this video, check out Mateusz on YouTube — some of the most amazing inspirational/motivational videos I have ever seen!