It’s true when they say “how you do anything is how you do everything.” I had to take a step back and become aware of this when it comes to the way I “do” my life. One common denominator: I always want more. As much as this can be a good thing in some areas, it serves as a curse in others. Always wanting more keeps me from truly being in the present moment. It’s like I have this never-ending void that just doesn’t disappear, no matter what I buy, no matter what I eat, no matter what I experience. For a short while, I feel content and then that empty feeling that I hate feeling… returns.
Someone recently asked me, “What would happen if you were actually fulfilled?” And the answer… I would actually be able to allow myself true happiness. That sounds amazing. It’s what myself and most strive for; “The Pursuit of Happiness” as it’s so called. But how do I get there? All I want in life is to be happy and content with myself, which would allow me to be happy and content with everything else. But it seems near impossible when I am so imperfect.
So what’s the answer? Finding a happy-medium is the greatest gift I could give myself at this point in time; being content with myself and who I am at this present moment yet continuing to strive for a greater me and a greater life.
I’ve realized that being present initially takes a lot of effort, it forces us to feel whatever we are feeling right now, even if that feeling is something we don’t want to feel. It forces us to smell the roses and smell the sh*t at the same time. But it’s worth it, because that’s where the beauty of life is; in the present moment. We get to experience our children’s every milestone, their laughter and their tears while intuitively and lovingly assisting them in their growing pains. We get to feel one of the greatest feelings of all (next to love), gratefulness. We get to fully experience the depth of our spouse’s love. We get to deeply appreciate all that we have, even if in worldly eyes it doesn’t seem like much.
Deeply and completely loving ourselves is one of the biggest challenges yet greatest gifts we’ll ever have. I’m a work in progress and I’m okay with that. I’m inconsistent at times. I’m hard on those I love. I have a little bit of OCD & I need all of my towels to be folded exactly the same, perfectly, every time. I’m sensitive and at times highly emotional. But I’m also a huge dreamer. I’m loving. I stand up for what I believe in. I’m a little bit of this and a little bit of that; I embrace my negatives and my positives all the same.
So what have I learned? Don’t ever go to sleep without feeling grateful for something. Even if the little devil inside only sees the negative. I will fight him until I feel it so I can go to sleep soundly each night in my big comfy bed next to my loving husband. I will work on being satisfied with my life, which starts from being completely satisfied with myself. That’s something I will work at everyday; filling my own voids with my own self-love. As I love my life, I will keep my eye on bigger and better things and take baby steps everyday to achieve them.
What are some of your patterns? How do you do life? Take a step back and think about it… how you do money is probably close to how you eat food. And how you eat food may be similar to how you date or how you love. One of the greatest tricks I have picked up along the way in my short 25 years of life has been to ask myself high-quality questions. The answer has always and will always lie within.
Side note: I use two words throughout this post, content & fulfilled. If you are anything like me then I’m sure you can relate to this post so here’s something you can choose for yourself. Contentment means satisfied while fulfillment means completion. I would love to feel contentment while I strive for fulfillment 🙂